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Give Up The Ghost (Hawaii Calls)

from Boo Radley Bruises Badly by Initials B.R.

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lyrics

So what you’re telling me now is you’ve got a gremlin growing on your insides with a lock pick claw,
Setting booby traps in a nucleus of your cell wall.
The little guy gets around too.
And though a simple visit to the physician shouldn’t concern you,
Your past life’s got an address
And it’s set in the short breath that the docs left when they cut flesh.
The edge of your breast attests, “That’s life”
And every other close call isn’t just a short knife.
But it’s no use. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep.
You can’t breathe. You can’t keep
Telling everybody else that it’s okay.
And I can’t keep being a diversion until the surgeons go away.
It’s the same shit, just a different day.
And though I couldn’t illustrate the mechanism, it’s evident in the way
That you stared at the Portland sun when you moved from LA.
It’s in the back pain that the docs couldn’t explain away.
We’re just a couple of redcoats, mad that we missed the boats,
Bayonets slipped and slit our throats. Quote:
“It isn’t like the frequency with which I’ve heard you speak on how you wished that you were dead
Has ever made a different impression on me than that this is for the best.”
You’re upset. Next step: add insult to injury,
Abandoning you in a time of need because you act like the world bleeds
And I can’t watch you feed on it from another coast and guess, like
“ Is it best to let it rest?” There’s a voice in my chest and it says,

“Are you ready to go? Then let’s go. Say so. Give up the ghost.”

Days, weeks, months,
Turn into things we want to change
And it’s been a long time since we last spoke.
I thought you were broken, so I’m glad to receive your note and
I’m up in Cambridge now. The band’s doing well.
I’ve been working in the local bookstore for a spell.
To keep my sanity I fondue beats in an inkwell
Because half of the time I manage to make my home life hell.
Meg says, “All I want is an apology once in a while”
And Dev says, “That’s exactly what we’d all expect from an only child”—
Turning all of my familiar friends into adversaries in my own home.
I’ve got a rash tongue and admit it like you don’t already know.
I tried to call you on the phone but your father said he’d rather take a message than offend sentiments.
C.f. Precedence for abusive and selfish and psychologically malignant men.
I don’t want to be the next son of a bitch ex and set a trend.
When these days replay, I let the gloves fit
Like “Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten it wet and maybe I shouldn’t have fed it.
Maybe it’s true that you act like that but maybe I shouldn’t have said it.”
And my chest heaves like a hornet’s nest every breath I regret how it ended.
All the pieces of our time set to snapshot fit a soundtrack and I stacked
Two discs with a playlist I’m afraid you’ll never unpack.
And when the times come that I catch them, each song’s lost to the toast:
“Are you ready to go? Let’s go. Say so. Give up the ghost.”

credits

from Boo Radley Bruises Badly, released August 1, 2006

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Initials B.R. Boston, Massachusetts

Gold-school rap for the aught-age.

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